How to Manifest Your Ex Back — AKA What I Did

If you’ve ever thought there’s no way you could ever get your ex back, then you may want to listen up and read on.

Photo by Paige Cody on Unsplash

If you’ve been following my stories, you’ll know I manifested my ex back after 1.5 years of no contact and us both dating different people. Did I think it was possible? Not even a little bit. But it did happen and after investing in multiple courses on “How to manifest your SP back” (SP stands for specific person), I’m a full on believer that it’s possible no matter what the circumstances.

In case you’re still skeptical…here were our circumstances. (Most manifestation coaches will be super adamant about not repeating your circumstances out loud so that you don’t manifest that, but my belief is — it only manifests if you believe it will.)

• We dated for 1.25 years without any labels and he was a complete commitment phobe
• He rarely gifted me anything
• He didn’t want to introduce me to his family
• Our relationship was honestly mostly physical
• I was the one paying for food and gifts — essentially all of our dates
• He primarily called me after midnight and would message me throughout the day
• He wasn’t sure if he’d ever want to get married or have kids
• He rarely expressed his care or appreciation for me
• He had no interest in meeting my friends or family
• He told me he’d never post me on social media
• After we stopped dating, one month later he posted a new girl who he called the “love of his life” with whom he was together for close to a year
• We stopped dating due to my parents not approving of us and him not being willing to commit to me resulting in HUGE drama (he hates drama)
• He had me blocked on everything — Facebook and Instagram

As you can see, it didn’t exactly look rosy. So what had changed?

When he came back 1.5 years later, this is how he showed up:

• He introduced me to his brother and invited me to a cookout with his cousins
• He asked to put a label on the relationship 3 months in
• We went on actual dates and it wasn’t focused on the physical aspect
• He gifted me a ton of things and paid for almost everything
• He told me that he’s scared of fatherhood but with me as the mother, he’d feel comfortable
• Told me that he trusts me over everyone and anyone
• Wanted to get married in the future
• Constantly telling me how important I was to him and how grateful he was for me (not only the physical traits)
• Wanted to post me
• Was interested in meeting my family and friends

When we initially ended things, I was heartbroken and devastated. My parents weren’t sympathetic since they disliked him and essentially told me to stop moping. (They didn’t mean this in a hurtful way.)

I quickly went for a rebound relationship that left me feeling empty and disrespected. And then I proceeded to date two other people who didn’t feel the same and were missing components that I had appreciated about my ex.

So what did I do that I learned in these “manifest your ex back” courses that I felt helped? Let’s go over it:

1. Affirmations. I heavily used affirmations to change my mindset. I realized that I didn’t believe he’d come back and therefore it was unlikely to happen. I would say things like “No matter who he is with or what he is doing, he’s always thinking about me” and other things. (He later told me that even though he was with the other girl, he would often think of me.) I would also use affirmations that were more self-focused like “I’m a goddess that everyone is attracted to” or “I’m unforgettable”.
2. Subliminals. Subliminals are essentially affirmations that you listen to with music over it. It’s supposed to go into your subconscious and ideally you listen to them at night. These are supposed to be super powerful in terms of changing your perspective on various topics. I used an app with my own voice for subliminals, as well as ones I found on Youtube.
3. Self-concept. I realized that the way I viewed myself wasn’t helpful in terms of attracting my ex. I viewed myself as undesirable etc. I was full of insecurities which had made the relationship the first go around not very fun. I knew that if I wanted it to work better, I HAD to work on how I viewed myself. If I KNEW without a shadow of a doubt that I was worth being chased, then it would happen. If not, it wouldn’t. I worked on this through acts of self-care, affirmations, and subliminals.
4. Taking him off the pedestal. One of the biggest issues previously was that I had him on this pedestal. He seemed like the end-all-be-all. If I couldn’t be with him, then there wasn’t going to be a better person out there for me. THAT’S how I felt. Super unhealthy. All of my focus was on him and how he felt about me mattered more to me than how I felt about myself. So taking him off the pedestal meant seeing him as what he was — a human. It meant redirecting all of that focus onto me. It meant prioritizing myself and my goals and being completely obsessed with them so that if he came back into my life, then great — it was an addition to my life NOT my everything.
5. Making a list of everything I was looking for in my ideal partner. I sat down and thought about everything I loved about our relationship and everything that was missing for me that I would want in my perfect partner. I wrote down how I would feel, how he treated me, what kind of gifts he’d get me, what kind of characteristics he’d have, and so on. (Many of these things were things that my ex ended up showing up as.)
6. Reframing him. Instead of referring to him as my “ex” (I know I’m doing it here), I’d put him in my contacts as “husband” and have imaginary conversations with him. It sounds nutty, but it totally worked for me. It instilled in me a deep-rooted belief that he was meant for me so he’d always find his way back to me.
7. Making it funny. Some coaches will say you’ll receive signs from the universe that he’s coming back or thinking of you. But really it’s up to you how you interpret events. THAT’S where the magic lies. Your beliefs are created through the value you choose to attach to a certain action or behavior. Shortly before he came back, I would see his name pop up everywhere or references to things we had done together. Like I was in a grocery store and a very specific song from the 2000s started playing that was super unlike the store and was one that he had sent me. All I thought was “Man, he has to stop thinking about me so much. I GET IT. You’re on your way back! Stop obsessing over me!” It made it amusing and at some point, I truly believed it.
8. Letting go. This is probably the hardest thing to do out of everything. You can do all of the work but at the end of the day if you’re desperate for your manifestation to show up, it’s unlikely to happen or if it does, it won’t stick around. So what’s the alternative? Have faith. Trust that everything will work out. Let go of how it will happen or whether it will happen and simply enjoy the time. How silly would it be to be miserable in the time before your ex does show up?

This worked for me in so many ways. Yes, my ex came back, but even better — I made MASSIVE improvements in myself. I made more money, felt more confident, took better care of myself and so much more.

Now I’m sure some of you are wondering…so what did end up happening with that ex? If you haven’t read my previous article/story, then here’s the update — we dated for 3.5 months that were blissful and perfect after which he asked me to be his girlfriend. He was ready to meet my family. Unfortunately, my family was 150% against him and threatened to cut off all ties with me if I didn’t end things with him right then and there.

So what did I learn from this? I should have also focused on manifesting parents who’d be supportive of the relationship, OR simply spent even more time on myself.

I’m not going to lie, I was devastated. BUT I know I manifested him once, and I can do it again. I’m ABSOLUTELY certain that our paths will cross again and interestingly enough he said the same. It just doesn’t feel like the end of our story yet. Now, I don’t know if it will be a year from now or 5 years or even 10 years from now that we will reconnect — BUT I feel it deep down in my heart that we’re not done yet. Some may call that delusion, others may call it romantic hope, but I call it certainty.

Will my parents approve of him or of our relationship in the future? Not sure. But their approval may hold less weight at some point in the future. I don’t know what the future will hold, but if there’s anything I am certain of is that it’ll look bright, and we’ll get another chance.