Dating Diaries S2 E3: History Repeating Itself?
It seems like I have a type…
I’ve officially been together for 6 months with Neuro Nick….and I have a problem that I’m all too familiar with…..
My parents don’t like him.
Now, unlike with Finance Frank, I really truly can’t blame them this time. And unfortunately, some of this could potentially have been salvaged by me.
For the past few months, I’ve seen a few things pop up here and there with Neuro Nick that had me scratching my head. I didn’t know if these would be larger red flags or cute little quirks. But if you ignore many little quirks, they’re likely to develop into one large flag in the shade of maroon.
Problem #1: ???
Neuro Nick had a tendency to not ask many questions. He mentioned at one point that he was with a group of friends and one of their significant other was shy and would only speak when being asked questions. And while I can absolutely understand that conversations also require volunteering information, I DO think questions are equally necessary. When I vocalized that, Neuro Nick seemed perplexed. He felt that conversations were made up of 2 people taking turns volunteering info. (Excuse me…..what???)
I initially had felt like the most boring person on the planet, because he NEVER asked questions. I’m a very curious person and love knowing people inside and out. I like understanding who they are and why they are the way they are, so I naturally tend to ask a lot of questions. Neuro Nick? Not so much…and it was easy to take his lack of question asking as a lack of interest. With time, I recognized he just generally didn’t ask questions…no matter how interested he was in someone or something. Why? No clue.
But, as you can imagine, when my parents met him and over time he never seemed to show more interest in them and just was….there…. they started to feel offended. And like he didn’t want to be there.
Problem #2: $$$
Over the past few months, I noticed a trend. He wasn’t stepping up to the plate financially. And suddenly I was treating him to things all the time. I was paying for some of his groceries, paying when we were eating out, bringing him hundreds of dollars of snacks, and also drinks that I knew he loved.
Anytime he would spend money on me, it seemed like it was a hassle. He would make comments about how he was low on money, but then a minute later brag about how he lived WAY below his means. He would also buy a $600 basketball signed by an NBA player later.
He originally invited me on a trip with promises I’d only have to pay for the flight and a few big ticket items. Then I was supposed to pay 20%. And ultimately he asked me to pay 30% after all things were said and done.
While all of these things certainly didn’t speak to his generosity, this lead to a much bigger problem….
Whenever he went along with my family to restaurants or what not, my family would pay for him….and he wouldn’t say thank you without my first modeling it for him. He would eat the most out of everyone and have the most expensive meals, but not offer to pay.
Gratitude is huge for my family. And while they never would expect him to pay, they would’ve appreciated either the offer to pay for his alcoholic beverages or at minimum a sign of gratitude.
And EVEN then…what irks my parents the most is that he’s so stingy with me. If he were more generous with me, they’d have no problem spending a ton of money on dinners with him and him ordering some of the most expensive things. But him not doing that with the added lack of gratitude rubs my parents the wrong way. And they’re worried he’s taking advantage of me.
Last but not least…
Problem #3: Basic manners
Neuro Nick seems like your typical American man, but he lacks some basic manners. If I were invited to his family’s house, you better believe I’d be bringing either something homemade, a scented beeswax candle, a dish, a box of tea, or a bottle of wine as a hostess gift.
Never. Has. He. Brought. Anything.
So to sum it up, do I think Neuro Nick is a bad guy? No. At least I hope he isn’t. I sometimes do wonder how much he takes others into consideration, but time will tell.
I can’t blame him fully for all of these. I do take responsibility for the fact that women often set the standard in dating and what they find acceptable in treatment, and while I originally had set a high standard, I did NOT stick with it or reinforce it. I didn’t vocalize that it bothered me that he never asked questions. I never asked him to bring a hostess gift. And while I did tell him I couldn’t afford to pay for things the same way, I could be asking for us to go out more.
These are larger issues. And all issues I’m planning on bringing up….but will he happily change these I’m unsure. I guess I’ll keep you guys updated!
Toodles,
Bella
