Dating Diaries S1 E8: What to Do When Your Boyfriend Isn’t Acting the Way You Want Him to

And you don’t want to break up

Photo by Dương Hữu on Unsplash

It’s been a crazy ride so far, am I right?

Quick recap of the Dating Diaries until now:

I manifested an ex (Finance Frank) back after a year of no contact. He showed up as a completely different person. He was loving, kind, caring, and super supportive. Recently I found out I was pregnant, and miscarried shortly after while I was traveling. I didn’t see my boyfriend very often in the last two months due to all the travel, which with the stress, grief, and loss, compounded to a somewhat unfortunate feeling of unease in our relationship. I wasn’t sure we’d make it. I didn’t like how I was feeling, and I knew I had changed since the beginning of the relationship. And I didn’t know what was going to happen next or what to do next. All I knew is I was tired.

Now that you’re all caught up….

I’m unhappy.

And it would be easy to blame Finance Frank for it (and sure he plays a role), but I feel who REALLY is to blame is….

me.

The time I felt happiest in my relationship was in the beginning. When I was detached, in control, in my feminine energy, focused on myself, and feeling empowered. He was a bonus, an add-on, a surprising exciting twist of events, but by no means was he the center of my universe.

I was operating from a place of that he had to earn his right to be in my life. That he had to prove his place and knew that my time was valuable. I also let him court me, gift me flowers and other gifts, and so much more.

What changed

Over the last 9 months that slowly began to change.

Once my parents threatened to disown me if I kept seeing him, I became more and more attached and insecure. That empowered, strong, ambitious, independent, feminine woman took a back seat.

And I want her back.

I don’t like that my parents’ involvement seemed to have impacted me negatively. It doesn’t even matter that my relationship has taken a hit, but more so that I have taken a hit.

So what to do?

I’m going back to what I know works best.

It would be easy to focus more on the relationship and working on that in hopes of improving it. It would be easy to focus on convincing him this relationship is worth fighting for, and that I’M worth fighting for.

But honestly? That’s draining. And it doesn’t come from a place of abundance or strength. It comes from fear, and therefore…it. does. not. work.

I’m going back to everything I did prior to meeting him for the 2nd time, and everything I did before I told my parents about him.

I have to focus on me. Getting myself back. Respecting and loving myself. Whether he sticks around or not. But I also know that the less I cling to him, the more I’ll attract him back. It’s a natural by-product. Call it killing 2 birds with one stone (brutal saying, isn’t it?). But that’s not what I’m focused on.

I know I could find another boyfriend in a heartbeat.

I know I could be happy with someone else.

But who I ultimately want to be happy with is myself.

What’s next

What does that mean? I’m going to go back to what I know that works. Manifesting, positive thinking, whatever you want to call it.

Ultimately I know I’m the root cause of this. I’m at the root cause of how my business is not growing. How I’m being treated by my parents, as well as by Finance Frank. How my relationship is not progressing. How I’m losing weight but not gaining muscle.

Because if there’s something I’ve learned in the last 2 years, it’s that what you assume about people often gets proven true. How you think about yourself is reflected in others and how they treat you. What you expect from your life will ultimately become your reality.

I expect my parents to continue disapproving of my relationship.

I expect my mom to continue to be disappointed of me.

I expect my business not to do well.

I expect myself to struggle in all areas of life, but especially in money and relationships.

And I expected my relationship to be fractured by the traveling and the miscarriage.

And because I expected those things, they happened. I know I can reverse this and change my life for the better again, just like I did prior to seeing Finance Frank.

Here are some things I WON’T be doing going forward:

• constantly checking my Instagram to see if he messaged me
• asking him to talk on the phone or video chat
• initiating any conversation, calls or dates (if he wants to meet up or talk on the phone, he can initiate that)
• be cold or distant (I can work on myself and still be warm)
• talk poorly about him or my relationship with him
• focus on what he’s doing or who he’s with
• rearrange my plans for him
• respond to his messages right away and drop everything I’m doing
• watching his IG stories obsessively (I’ll give myself a limit of watching them once a day)
• buying him any gifts (believe me, I’ve given him plenty and above my means in the past. I’ll make an exception for his birthday)
• paying for any dates we go on in the future
• focusing on what’s going wrong in our relationship or with him
• worrying about whether he still likes me, what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with, where we stand, etc. (This will be the hardest, but I’ll be utilizing affirmations and meditations to combat that.)

Some of you may find some of these to be mind games. And in a way they are — because I’m training my mind to detach and refocus or reprioritize myself. And if that requires “toxic” behavior — I can live with that if it allows me to love myself again.

Now, here’s what I WILL be doing:

• I will be starting my hobbies back up again
• I will focus on finding and doing things that bring me joy
• I’m going to prioritize any self care including going to the gym, doing martial arts, face masks, body lotion, nails, etc. etc.
• I will be refocusing on my goals ESPECIALLY money and growth goals
• I will be working on my self-talk and how I view myself (also known as self-concept)
• I will be working on how I view myself in relation to love and relationships
• I will be using affirmations, subliminals, sleep tapes, meditations, rampages, etc. to reset my mind.
• I will be focused on growth by listening to podcasts, reading personal development books, doing trainings, audiobooks, and whatever I can.
• I will show up for myself every single day no matter what.
• I will be extra picky about the content I watch so no negative beliefs are reinforced. This means not watching shows about unrequited or toxic love. Skipping over any TikTok content talking about toxic men or breakups. And prioritizing feminine dating coaches, manifestation coaches, and anything that encourages me to get back into the right mindset.
• I will practice gratitude daily.
• I will focus on learning something new daily and adding two new experiences to my belt every month.
• I will put myself on the pedestal and center my life and universe around myself.
• I will not entertain any negative thoughts and immediately switch them.
• I will get to the root cause of my beliefs.
• I will face my fears one at a time, so I can become the strong woman I know I can be and grow more confident with that.
• I will allow myself to receive. Receive compliments, receive gifts, receive gentlemanly gestures, and more.
• I will balance the masculine and feminine as much as I can. Meaning I’ll remain masculine when I have to in my business, and feminine outside of that.
• I will meet up with friends and go out to meet new people (outside of a business setting) every week.
• I will focus on learning new skills.

I know that seems like a lot, but I’m dedicated to myself and feeling better. I’m done playing the victim. I’m done feeling like life is trying to push me down. I’m done feeling like Finance Frank is the one dictating the relationship, while simultaneously only letting me move it forward to progress. I’m done feeling like Finance Frank is ALL that and like I’m inferior.

None of that is the truth.

And I’m ready to take control of my life again. To be active in my life.

I know this stuff works because I’ve done it before and drastically changed my life.

My problem? I stopped doing it. I stopped working on it as soon as fear made an appearance. I took a backseat to my own life and let others dictate it.

If you’re in a similar situation, or you simply also want to take control back over your life you’re free to join me.

I’ll be updating you guys on how this changes/impacts my life and makes me feel. And yes, I’ll also update you on how it impacts my love life.

Until then!

Ciao,

Bella